A-Team, Karate Kid, and the Tonys - Uncle Orson Reviews Everything

I never watched an episode of The A-Team back when it was a television series (1983-87). Maybe it wasn't awful -- it was created by Stephen J. Cannell, who also created The Rockford Files and The Commish. But by the time it was launched, I was sick of the hype surrounding "Mr. T."

But this past weekend, there were two new movies, and on Friday night our daughter wasn't available to see Karate Kid with us. My wife and I, determined to empty our minds, thought that at matinee prices, The A-Team would be the cheapest legal way to do it.

The beginning was only slightly bad, which we regarded as an encouraging sign. That is, the storyline was ludicrous, but the actors had some charm. Also, the jokes were strained and barely amusing, but the actors had some charm. In short, this movie seemed determined to coast on the charm of the actors.

And by "actors" I mean Bradley Cooper and Jessica Biel. Both of them were in the devastatingly bad Valentine's Day, though it wasn't their fault; but Cooper was also the cute, smooth, lying, cheating husband in the excellent He's Just Not That Into You. Bradley Cooper is Kevin Costner with a personality.

Jessica Biel was in The Illusionist; she's also been in a lot of films I never heard of or chose not to see.

The story did not get dumber, but it didn't get smarter, either. Yet the tricks of the caper-movie trade continued to work well enough to keep us entertained the whole time.

Don't get out of your sickbed to see it. But if, a few months from now, it's sent to you by mistake by some movie rental company, go ahead and watch it before you send it back.

Did The Karate Kid need to be remade? Ralph Macchio was his sweet, earnest self as the kid who is getting bullied and learns karate so he can protect himself, but ends up in a championship bout. Pat Morita was delightful as his mentor, Mr. Miyagi.

It spawned three unnecessary sequels already, each of which consisted of the same story with irrelevant details changed -- what else could they do? It's not as if we wanted to see Ralph Macchio use his karate genius to achieve world domination or save the Earth from alien invaders.

But the moment we realized that this new remake of The Karate Kid had been produced by Jade Pinkett Smith and Will Smith as a vehicle for their extraordinarily talented son Jaden Smith, my interest level rose from less than zero to some noticeable level.

That's because Will Smith has revealed himself as one of the most savvy movers and shakers in Hollywood. I remember sitting in a meeting with some producers and agents, proposing him as the leading man in a movie I was trying to develop. The answer was, "Not bankable."

What? He had just done Men in Black. I was thinking he was too bankable for a lowly project like mine to attract him.

"Has to be teamed with a white guy," somebody said, and everybody nodded wisely. Including my agent, who was African-American.

Well, apparently Will Smith didn't get the memo. The rapper/sitcom star/action sidekick went on to be nominated for two Oscars while starring in or helping produce films that have made billions of dollars.

I've had some very peripheral dealings with his production company and have been impressed by the quality of people the Smiths surround themselves with. There are a lot of people with talent, taste, and brains in Hollywood, but few of them get the clout to make movies the way they want them made. Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith are among that precious few.

So yes, I had some optimism about the remake. With Jackie Chan as Mr. Han, the mentor this go-round, and with an encouraging trailer, my family decided to go watch it together last Monday night.

Monday night at seven p.m., and the theater was about half full. If you don't get to the movies on Mondays very much, let me tell you: That's a sign of a smash hit. Often we're the only ones in the theater.

At the end of the movie, wiping away tears for the fourth time (after laughing a lot), I had to admit that enjoyable as the original was, this remake was better, having moved the story from a darn good movie to a great one.

The Chinese setting was an inspired one. For one thing, it allowed the casting of the luminous Wenwen Han as Meiying, the more-than-token love interest. It also gave us absolutely fantastic scenery and settings.

Most important, though, it gave Jaden Smith's character, Dre Parker, a much more powerful sense of isolation than Ralph Macchio's character could ever work up. There's a big difference between moving to California and moving to Beijing.

Dre's ignorance of Chinese language and culture, the authority-centered culture, and his unwillingness to tell anyone about how he was being bullied by a group of young thugs from a "no-mercy" Kung Fu school -- these all added up to a far more desperate situation than we ever saw in the original movie.

Wisely, they kept Jaden Smith's shirt on until he had been training long enough that we were ready to see his unbelievably cut torso. While I'm sure there were flips he didn't do himself, he did a lot of other incredibly athletic stunts and poses.

But it wasn't his cuteness or his hyperdeveloped body that made this movie work. It was Jaden Smith's talent. It is no insult to Ralph Macchio's work as a child star to say that nobody can hold a candle to the incredible emotional range and depth of this boy.

Since his film debut in The Pursuit of Happyness and his later part in The Day the Earth Stood Still, the first of which starred his father, Jaden Smith is now the kind of actor who can carry a movie.

Jackie Chan is wonderful, but he does not carry the movie for the kid -- he is truly a supporting actor. Because Jaden Smith is a genuine child star: You can bet the whole movie on his ability to be funny, moving, exciting, convincing.

As we have come to expect from projects in which Will and Jada Pinkett Smith have a hand, this movie is consistently smart. At no point is there ever any artiness for art's sake -- the direction and cinematography are extraordinary, but always in the service of the story, so you don't have to notice them. Director Harald Zwart, who had at best a lackluster filmography up to now, can claim this one with pride.

The Karate Kid hit big, with a $60 million opening during this pretty-sad movie summer -- and it deserved to. This is one you want to see in the theater, with a big screen and great sound system.

The Tony Awards show last Sunday was entertaining and did not run overtime. Sean Hayes (of Will and Grace) was a fabulously funny host. The production numbers and some of the scenes were excellent, despite surprising technical glitches.

Why? First, because of how empty the whole show was. Broadway is so close to dead that where once there were many dozens of shows to choose from, there are now barely enough shows in any one year to fill a whole slate of nominees.

Second, because of what the shows were about. Broadway has become the haven for smug political correctness. When they summarized the plot of play after play, musical after musical, it became clear that most of these shows (with a few exceptions) exist to help knee-jerk liberals feel superior to the part of America that hasn't yet drunk the Kool-Aid.

Third, because most of the stars of these shows -- and particularly the winners -- were famous for their movie and television work. Yes, they are indeed talented actors (well, mostly), but it seems like the way to earn a Tony is to get famous first and then get hired to star in a show so that they can sell tickets to out-of-towners who would otherwise not bother.

The most outrageous prize of the night went to Catherine Zeta-Jones for her leading role in a revival of A Little Night Music. This may well be the most brilliant musical score for a musical -- ever. And during the Tony show she sang "Send in the Clowns," the breakout hit song from the show.

Sang? Oh, let's be real. She posed, she emoted, she grossly overacted, while warbling something that occasionally was close to the notes Stephen Sondheim wrote. It was almost offensively bad. Her offensive acceptance speech was anti-climactic in its badness.

There were a couple of other categories in which the worst nominee -- some of whose performance we had just watched -- won. I kept saying, "What are they thinking." (Other people in the room kept saying, "Be quiet, we're trying to watch the show.")

Broadway choruses are better than ever. Broadway's new scripts and musical scores border on the nondescript, when they're not deliberately and childishly offensive. And Broadway has firmly aligned itself with the extreme left in American politics, to the point where they feel free to ridicule the values of most of the rest of the country -- the very people they expect to fly to New York and buy the tickets to keep the money flowing in.

Once upon a time, the theatrical community was one of the most open-minded and accepting groups in America; now it's rigid, exclusive, elitist, angry at nothing, and filled with disdain for people leading ordinary lives.

Oh, they'll occasionally cast a known conservative Republican, like Kelsey Grammer -- but only if he's in yet another revival of La Cage aux Folles and kisses another man onstage.

Once upon a time, the American theatre was one of our finest contributions to world culture.

Now, judging from what we saw in this Tony broadcast, it's just a wholly-owned subsidiary of the contemptuous wing of the Democratic Party.

When Eugene O'Neill, Arthur Miller, Edward Albee, and Tennessee Williams were writing for the American stage, we could go to New York and see greatness.

Now, if there's any good writing at all, it's probably in a British production that was transferred to New York.

I'm not reaching this conclusion solely from this Tony show, of course. I used to go to Broadway every year. But gradually I lost interest. The imported shows that were about something all closed. I'd already seen Stomp and Blue Man Group. I'd read about the latest plays in The New Yorker and think, Well, that's not worth going to New York for.

But I always watch the Tony Awards show with hope. The way Charlie Brown kept letting Lucy hold the football for him.

Every Day Is Special

First appeared in print in The Rhinoceros Times, Greensboro, NC.

Thursday, June 17 -- Ice Cream Day

LeMars, Iowa, has declared this to be the beginning of "Ice Cream Days" -- and who is better qualified, since LeMars, the self-proclaimed "Ice Cream Capital of the World," is the home of Blue Bunny Ice Cream. Since I have lived my entire life without ever tasting Blue Bunny, I'm going to have to make do with visits to Baskin-Robbins 31 Flavors, Brusters, and Gnam Gnam Gelato. Yes, all three in the same day -- what else is Ice Cream Day for?

Friday, June 18 -- Resistance Day

In 1940, Charles DeGaulle spoke to the French people from London after the fall of France to the Nazi invaders in L'Appel du 18 Juin -- the Appeal of June 18^th -- which began "Free France" and the French Resistance. (His BBC broadcast four days later was heard by more French listeners.) With that broadcast, DeGaulle declared that the puppet Petain regime was illegitimate and in effect claimed the role of leader of the French.

This is the anniversary of America's declaration of war on Great Britain in 1812, beginning a war that ended officially with the Treaty of Ghent on 24 December 1814, and in fact with Andrew Jackson's victory over the British in the Battle of New Orleans, which ended 26 January 1815. The war was partly a response to Britain's outrageous actions in stopping American ships and pressing (drafting) American sailors into the British Navy, and their continual incitement of Indian warfare on the frontier. It was also seen as a chance to seize Canada. This marks the last warfare between the United States and Great Britain.

Saturday, June 19 -- "Juneteenth"

In 1865, Union General Grander proclaimed the slaves of Texas to be free on June 19^th. Many had believed that Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation was a temporary war measure; Grander made it plain that under his military jurisdiction, at least, it was permanent. On 6 December, the 13^th Amendment abolished slavery permanently throughout the United States and all its possessions, but over the years "Juneteenth" has become the focal point of celebrations of the liberation of African-Americans from slavery. Let us also recognize that the former slaveowners had also been liberated from the enormous moral burden of treating fellow human beings as property. African-Americans still had another century of struggle in order to achieve legal equality, but Juneteenth can fairly be marked as the starting point.

World Sauntering Day is a chance to revive the lost Victorian art of "sauntering," and to discourage jogging, lollygagging, sashaying, fast walking and trotting. Today, at least, slow down and enjoy the beauty and the people around you on your daily exercise jaunt.

Sunday, June 20 -- Father's Day

Ed Sullivan's weekly variety show premiered on this day in 1948. Originally called Toast of the Town, it was always popularly known as The Ed Sullivan Show, and in 1955 the name became official. By its end in 1971, it was the longest-running variety show on American television, and had also been the most popular for decades. Ed Sullivan's strange manner of speech becamefodder for mimics, and he worked hard to keep a balance of popular, family, and high-art performers. Elvis Presley (with the camera avoiding his hips) and the Beatles debuted on American television on the Sullivan show, and the satirical musical Bye Bye Birdie centered its plot around an appearance on Ed Sullivan, commemorated in the song "Hymn for a Sunday Evening," which included the lyrics "Ed Sullivan, Ed Sullivan / We're gonna be on Ed Sullivan / How could any fam'ly be / Half as fortunate as we? / We'll be coast to coast / With our fav'rite host / Ed Sullivan." His role as the central figure in American television was inherited by Johnny Carson, and then by Oprah Winfrey.

Monday, June 21 -- Midsummer Day

Astronomical summer begins with the summer solstice at 7:28 a.m. EDT. It's the longest day of the year. In the Southern Hemisphere it's the beginning of winter, and the shortest day. Meteorological summer already began on June 1^st, and in early times this was regarded as midsummer, the climax of the season rather than its beginning. This makes sense especially in far northern areas like the British Isles and Scandinavia, where summer days are especially long, but the growing season is relatively brief.

Tuesday, June 22 -- National Columnists' Day

Though the idea of "columnists" began with print journalism, columnists remain a vital part of American opinion through print, blogs, and podcasts, and on radio and television programs. Traditionally limited to a mere 800-1200 words, columnists usually try to make a single point in each essay, but in the aggregate our best columnists have outlined a philosophy for those who read them. My favorites at the moment: Charles Krauthammer, Leonard Pitts, Thomas Sowell.

Science fiction writer Octavia Butler was born on this day in Pasadena, California, in 1947; she died far too young, in 2006. An intensely shy person, she could not hide her brilliance in the fiction that marked her immediately as one of the great American writers, regardless of genre. Using the tropes of science fiction, she created literature that explored the human condition better than anyone else in the latter part of the 20^th century. She was the only sci-fi writer to receive a MacArthur Foundation "Genius" Grant. She may be best known for her grim fantasy Kindred, in which Dana, an African-American woman, is transported back in time to meet her slave and slave-owning ancestors. But my personal favorites are the three books of the Lilith's Brood trilogy (originally called "Xenogenesis"). I have used her novel Wild Seed as an example of perfect expository flow.

Wednesday, June 23 -- Let It Go Day

On Let It Go Day, whatever is bugging you, drop it.

In 1868, Luther Sholes's typewriter was given a U.S. patent. Because the levers for the letters that were closest together tended to jam, Sholes devised the qwerty keyboard in order to keep the most commonly-pressed letters more widely separated, while the rarely used dfghjk were placed in the very center. Inconvenient and unnecessary as this might be in an era when there are no mechanical moving parts to jam, we who have learned to touch-type on the old keyboard find it almost impossible to even want to change. I may be in the last generation to have learned to type on clunky manual typewriters -- but boy, did we have strong fingers by the time we got up to 60 or 70 words per minute! (And I still insist on owning a manual typewriter, so I can go on writing after the apocalypse. If I live through it. And if there's anyone left who cares what I write.)