Siphon vs. Suction, Summer Reading - Uncle Orson Reviews Everything

Somebody wrote in complaining about my explanation that siphoning works by gravity. No, it's the difference in pressure! our correspondent said, rather testily. And a lot of people think the same way.

But that's because they don't know the difference in definition between suction and siphon.

I suppose it's understandable, since most siphoning operations start with sucking on the tube to fill it with liquid. But that's not siphoning, that's, well, sucking. The siphoning is what happens after you put the end of the liquid-filled hose down into the lower container that you're trying to fill.

As liquid flows upward into the hose out of the higher container and then down the long end of the tube into the lower container, it is definitely gravity driving the process. It's true that as the liquid falls through the long end, it creates suction behind it to draw up the liquid from the higher container -- but the cause of it all is gravity.

Meanwhile, nobody who has a clue what he's talking about would imagine that the oil spill in the Gulf can be siphoned off. That's because it could only be siphoned away if you could find a lower container than the ocean's surface into which to siphon it.

Yet in article after article about the Gulf spill, you'll see them talking about "siphoning up" the oil, when they mean "suctioning" it up. If this keeps up, it won't be long before one of the accepted meanings of siphon is "to suck up," and then just see how hard it'll be to explain siphoning to schoolkids, when the same word is used for both processes!

Did anybody notice that in Obama's speech about how he's absolutely in charge of dealing with the oil spill and in no way is any part of it his fault (no doubt Bush did it), he ended with "Thank you, God bless you, and may God bless the United States of America"?

Bush used to get criticized mercilessly by the Leftist elite for his "theocratic" tendencies when he ended his speeches exactly that way. Yet when Obama uses the same language Bush always used, nobody blinks an eye.

The difference is obvious, of course. Bush is a church-going born-again Christian, and Obama is a Sunday golfer who, when he does go to church, apparently never notices what is said in the sermon.

In other words, it bothered people when Bush ended his speeches with an invocation to God, because they knew he meant it.

Whereas when Obama does it, his supporters all recognize that he's only saying it to placate those poor saps who have turned to "guns and religion" in order to get through hard times.

For kids, reading is a mandatory activity during the school year -- a lot of them resent the fact that teachers want to mandate what they'll read during the summer. (Especially when teachers hit upon the evil plan of making them keep a reading diary, destroying any possibility of reading for pleasure.)

But for adults who like to read at all, summer is when they can plan for reading time. In other parts of the country, summer vacation is likely to mean a week or two of intensely planned activity -- lots of driving, amusement parks, getting from here to there, following an itinerary.

That's why one of our favorite things about coming to North Carolina was learning what it meant to go to the beach.

At the beach, there is no itinerary. If somebody feels like golfing, they golf. If somebody wants to ride jet-skis or kayaks on the Sound, they go rent something. But nothing is planned, and there is actually time to stretch out on the beach or on the deck of a rented house or condo and read a good thick book from beginning to end.

Or three slim books. It's not a competition, it's a joy. And, of course, it keeps novelists like me employed.

So if you haven't already gone to the beach this summer, here's a quick list of some terrific mystery novels you might want to consider taking along.

I just finished reading The Neighbor, by Lisa Gardner. And by "just finished" I mean three minutes ago, and by "reading" I mean "listening to the unabridged recording."

There are thrillers that hit you with shock after shock, filling your mind with vile images. I dislike such experiences and stay away from novelists who do that -- even when I know they're very talented writers. That's why I don't read Harlan Coben or John Sandford any more. There's only so much ugliness I can stand.

But there are thriller writers who don't feel obliged to bend everything so that there is no possibility of decency or happiness in the world. Lisa Gardner is one of those writers. In The Neighbor, Jason and Sandy Jones have a strange marriage. They're both so devoted to their four-year-old daughter that they work in shifts -- Jason working nights as a journalist and tending the kid by day, and Sandy teaching sixth grade by day and taking care of their daughter by night. Until Sandy disappears. Then all the secrets start coming out -- but will they come out soon enough to save them?

(A handful of F-bombs and not-very-explicit sex scenes make this an audiobook you don't want to listen to in a car full of kids.)

Sitting in Barnes & Noble's coffee shop the other day, nursing our hot chocolates, my wife and I noticed the name C.J. Box on the cover of a mystery novel. "That's a great name for a writer," my wife said. "So few letters that they can make them huge enough on the cover to be read this far away."

Curiosity piqued, I want and picked up, not Box's new hardcover, but his first novel, Three Weeks to Say Good-bye. In the story, Jack and Melissa have adopted a little girl, Angelina, with the full permission of the birth mother. The birth father was unfindable -- until nine months after the adoption, when he suddenly shows up and demands that the adoption be rescinded.

The idea of losing their daughter is devastating enough, but the more Jack and Melissa find out about the father and his family, the more horrifying is the prospect of turning their beloved daughter over to him. But there's no way to prevent losing their child except to prove how awful the birth father is. Only his father is a Denver judge who is doing everything in his power to block anything Jack and Melissa try to do.

A year or so ago, Alan Bradley burst on the scene with The Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie -- a mystery told from the point of view of poison-obsessed young genius Flavia de Luce. I loved it; my wife didn't. Now comes the sequel, The Weed That Strings the Hangman's Bag, and while it doesn't have the same sense of surprise the first one brought, it's a good solid mystery in a charming English village. Think of it as the Alfred Hitchcock version of You Can't Take It with You.

Jane Stanton Hitchcock is a wonderful writer of high-society mysteries, and Mortal Friends may be the best of them (though I still delight in Social Crimes, which has an ending worthy of Agatha Christie). Set in Georgetown, the rich section of Washington DC, a series of murders at first seem mere background to the story of Reven Lynch, who is trying to hold on to her marriage against an extravagantly wealthy and beautiful rival, while at the same time falling in love with a detective working on the killings.

Jacqueline Winspear's Maisie Dobbs series follows the strivings of a young female psychologist in England in the dark years after the Great War (WWI), where victims of shell shock still linger and must be cared for -- and exploited, if they happen to seem useful to somebody in power. Maisie's ability to move easily from upper to middle to lower class helps her find her way through the maze of Among the Mad. Where Jane Stanton Hitchcock definitely writes glitzy chick lit, Winspear has a more universal appeal, and since Dobbs has already lost the love of her life, romance doesn't play a big role in the story.

Robert Crais has long been known for his Elvis Cole mysteries, set in L.A. But recently he's started writing novels from the point of view of Cole's taciturn and sometimes brutal sidekick, Joe Pike (cf. Hawk, Mouse, and other "muscle" characters from other mystery writers). The First Rule is set in a harsh and cruel layer of society, where justice is hard to come by but getting killed is easy. Yet because Crais is one of our best mystery writers, he never settles for mere vengeance or adventure -- there is also redemption amid the loss and pain.

The late Robert B. Parker's Split Image is a fitting end to the series of mysteries centered around Jesse Stone. While I doubt Parker thought of it as the last episode, it provides some genuine resolutions to the dilemmas of Stone's life -- while providing a terrific mystery about a "retired" gangster who isn't having much luck in the staying-alive department. (Just in case there isn't another Sunny Randall mystery, she's in this one, too.) Parker's spare writing style packs a novel's worth of plot and character into a very quick read.

Last year I picked up Agatha Christie's Christmas-season-1938 potboiler, Hercule Poirot's Christmas: A Holiday Mystery. I remember as a kid loving the Hercule Poirot stories (though I always liked Miss Marple better), but this time around I was very disappointed. Christie's writing seems perfunctory, dutiful; she introduces the characters as if in a catalog. I set it aside and only picked it up again in order to give it away; but I started reading where I left off, soon remembered who the characters were, and read to the end. Even when she's bad, she's good. But if you want to read Agatha Christie at the beach, this title should be at the bottom of your list.

Finally, for the real mystery fan -- or student -- or would-be writer -- there's P.D. James's Talking about Detective Fiction, which is partly a history of the modern mystery genre, partly a critical analysis of different periods and leading writers, and partly a master class by one of the best ever to write the modern psychological mystery.

Near the end of the book, after lamenting the trend away from storytelling in the world of English literature, James writes: "Happily there now seems to be a return to the art of storytelling. But this, of course, the detective novel has never lost. We are presented with a mystery at the heart of the novel and we know that by the end it will be solved. Very few readers can put down a detective story until it is solved, although some have fallen into the reprehensible expedient of taking a quick look at the last chapter."

I plead guilty. Sometimes, knowing I must get some sleep and that I cannot sleep till I know how it all comes out, I preserve my health by checking out the ending. Sadly, it still doesn't help, because I inevitably end up reading a chapter at a time backward through the book until the ending makes perfect sense -- which usually means I've read the whole thing anyway and didn't get any sleep and read it backward.

But however you read mysteries, they remain one of the most entertaining forms of literature, and for summertime reading, you really can't go wrong -- whether your taste runs to cozies (you know, mysteries with cats and/or recipes), thrillers, psychological suspense, private eyes, or police procedurals.

Besides the above listed authors, you also can't go wrong with Sue Grafton, Michael Connelly, Walter Mosley, Sara Paretsky, Margaret Maron, Sharyn McCrumb, Ross MacDonald, Raymond Chandler, James Lee Burke, Charles Todd, and P.D. James herself -- plus all the mystery writers who have somehow managed to slip my mind at this moment ...

Truth to tell, there is no other section of the bookstore where you can be more confident of finding a terrific entertainment (at least) than Mystery Fiction. As the Young Adult and Sci-Fi/Fantasy sections fill up with vampire romances, crowding out everything else, mystery may soon be the only place to go!

Every Day Is Special

First appeared in print in The Rhinoceros Times, Greensboro, NC.

Thursday, July 1 -- National Hot Dogs Month

This is also the first day of National Grilling, Horseradish, and Ice Cream Months. How you combine these items is entirely up to you.

Friday, July 2 -- Hump Day, 2010

This is the halfway point of 2010 -- At noon, 182-and-a-half days of the year will have elapsed and 182-and-a-half days will remain.

Aeronautic record-setter Amelia Earhart's aircraft was reported missing over the Pacific on this day in 1937.

In 1964, President Lyndon B. Johnson signed into law the historical Civil Rights Act, which had been passed by a coalition of northern Democrats and moderate Republicans. The law prohibited racial discrimination in employment, education, public transportation, parks, and swimming pools. Throughout the previously segregated states, new private schools and private athletic clubs (with swimming pools) sprang into being so that racial segregation could continue, whatever other motive might have been pretended. Most of these became integrated voluntarily through the next two decades, as "whites-only" policies became regarded as shameful even in the heart of the old Jim Crow South.

Throughout the South there are clubs and schools which, though now integrated, owe their origin to the Civil Rights Act. I grew up in the West, where cities routinely provided public swimming pools for all their citizens; in the South, however, that public service has largely been left up to private associations, leaving a distinct lack of affordable swimming pools in poorer and primarily-black neighborhoods. Thus the shadows of the past continue even in our more-enlightened times.

Saturday, July 3 -- Bicycle Day

Dog Days of Summer begin, officially running from July 3^rd to August 11^th, marking most of the hottest days of the year in the northern hemisphere. The name comes from the fact that long ago, Sirius, the Dog Star, rose at or about sunrise during this time, though the precession of the equinoxes has changed that. The "Dog Days" were popularly believed to be an evil time "when the sea boiled, wine turned sour, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics and phrensies" (from Brady's "Clavis Calendarium" of 1813).

The Tour de France begins today. Most of the world's best cyclists compete for more than 3,500 kilometers (2,175 miles) in 21 stages. This year's Tour begins in Rotterdam, Netherlands, then continues south through Belgium and into France, ending, as usual, in Paris at the Champs Elysees.

To celebrate Bicycle Day, when you come up behind a cyclist with your car or pickup truck, don't honk or swear or throw something or brandish your pistol or come as close to hitting him as possible or allow a passenger to slap the cyclist on the butt as you pass or throw a rock or can or bottle at him (almost certainly causing him to lose balance and hit the ground, causing injury). I have been personally present at (and sometimes the victim of) every one of these acts, thuslearning that driver's licenses are awarded without regard for human decency or concern for the safety of others.

Remember that cyclists don't pollute, they don't raise gas prices, they help keep medical costs down for everyone by remaining healthier, and if they happen to be going slower than you wish in the lane you think somebody deeded to you as your personal property, please imagine how you would act if that bicycle were a tractor or a house-moving truck or just a car with its flashers blinking. Just because the cyclist is smaller than your vehicle and more vulnerable and weaker doesn't give you the right to abuse them -- in fact, abusing them makes you nothing but a common bully.

Sunday, July 4 -- American Independence Day

"America the Beautiful" was published on this day in 1895, as a poem by Katherine Lee Bates in The Congregationalist, a church publication. Many Americans -- including me -- would like to make this positive, celebratory song with a lovely melody our National Anthem instead of the militant, defiant, and (for most people) unsingable Star-Spangled Banner.

Calvin Coolidge, the 30^th U.S. President, was born on this day in 1872 in Plymouth, Vermont. Elected Vice-President, he succeeded to the presidency following the death of Warren G. Harding, and then was elected in his own right in 1924. As governor of Massachusetts, he was noted for declaring, during a policemen's strike, "There is no right to strike against the public safety by anybody, anywhere, any time."

Nicknamed "Silent Cal," Coolidge is reported to have said, "If you don't say anything, you won't be called on to repeat it." When a hostess told him, "You must talk to me, Mr. President; I made a bet today that I could get more than two words out of you," Coolidge replied, "You lose."

His first year as President he was an active leader of the country and cleaned house after the corruption and scandal of the Harding administration. But before the election of 1924, his younger son, Calvin, Jr., died from an infection that began with a blister acquired playing tennis on the White House lawn. From that point on, though Coolidge continued to serve, his heart was not in it, and he declined to run for a second full term in 1928.

Monday, July 5 -- Hype Day

Today is the 200^th birthday of circus entrepreneur Phineas Taylor "P.T." Barnum. In the effort to promote his shows, he acquired and displayed acts like Chang and Eng (the original Siamese twins) and the little person called General Tom Thumb. In 1850 he promoted singer Jenny Lind, "The Swedish Nightingale," and parlayed her singing talents into a major financial success. He also had political ambitions and served two terms in the Connecticut legislature. In 1871 his circus, modestly called "The Greatest Show on Earth," opened in Brooklyn, NY. Barnum merged with his rival J.A. Bailey in 1881 to form the Barnum and Bailey Circus. While Barnum did not invent hype, he was a master of it.

Tuesday, July 6 -- Hard Day's Night Day

In Liverpool, England, on this day in 1957, 15-year-old Paul McCartney watched a band called "The Quarrymen," led by the almost 17-year-old John Lennon. The two teens met later that day and before long created one of the most popular rock groups on the 20th century, The Beatles.

John Paul Jones was born on this day in 1747 in Kirkbean, Scotland; he grew up to become an American naval captain. He is best remembered for his victory in a battle on 23 September 1779 between his ship, the Bonhonne Richard, with the British frigate Serapis. When his ship was badly damaged, the British called, "Do you ask for quarter?" and he replied, "I have not yet begun to fight!" Jones was victorious in the end, but his ship was so badly damaged that it sank 2 days later.

Supposedly this is "Take Your Webmaster to Lunch Day" but everybody knows that a real webmaster doesn't go to lunch, he orders pizza and never leaves the computer.

President George W. Bush was born on this day in 1946. After a distinguished record of bipartisan leadership in a term and a half as Texas governor, he became U.S. President by an electoral college majority, though then-Vice-President Al Gore got more popular votes. An attempt by liberals on the Florida Supreme Court to overturn state laws in order to negate the lawful election was blocked by the U.S. Supreme Court, but it almost became a pyrrhic victory, as Bush found Democrats and the liberal media pathologically opposed to cooperating with him in any way.

Nevertheless, Bush was able to achieve substantial education reform prior to the transformative event of his presidency: the terrorist attack by Muslim extremists on the World Trade Center and the Pentagon. From that point on, he led America's economic recovery and military response to worldwide terrorism by military action that effected regime change in terror-sponsoring Iraq and Afghanistan -- which also changed the behavior of most other Muslim nations. He exhibited strong leadership as he brought democracy to Iraq and, when others called for America to cut and run, changed commander and strategy and effectively won the war.

We've now had a year and a half to see how America does without strong leadership, and I, for one, am a Democrat who misses President Bush with all my heart. His Compassionate Conservatism was the moderate course that I approve of in American government; his economic policies led to prosperity (except where Democrats blocked regulation of new financial instruments); and his foreign policy made us a strong and reliable ally of democracy throughout the world -- even when he and America were vilified by European and American intellectuals.

Isn't it odd that Obama, by behaving exactly as those intellectuals wanted Bush to behave, has led to our being perceived as weak and unreliable by everybody? Perhaps the best tribute to Bush is Mort Zuckerman's essay on Obama's foreign policy at http://sn.im/bushwasbetter (full URL: http://politics.usnews.com/opinion/mzuckerman/articles/2010/06/18/mort-zuckerman-world-sees-obama-as-incompetent-and-amateur.html)

Wednesday, July 7 -- Bull Day

In Pamplona, Spain, the Running of the Bulls begins today. Young men dressed in white with red scarves run through the streets chased by bulls that will later be killed for sport in the arena. It's sporting of the Spanish to give the bulls a chance to gore or trample a few people on the way to their deaths.

Tell the Truth Day. Every American is challenged to go one whole day without telling a lie or saying anything misleading or dishonest. If you have any friends or relatives speaking to you at the end of the day, you didn't do it correctly.

^*Based on information in Chase's Calendar of Events. See http://sn.im/chases. (Full URL: http://www.mhprofessional.com/product.php?cat=3&isbn=0071627413)

{If there's room, it might be nice to run this as a box - though it was already printed back in Poetry Month. If you don't run it, then remove the reference up on the America the Beautiful entry!}

America the Beautiful

Words: Katherine Lee Bates

Tune: "Materna," Samuel Ward

1 O beautiful for spacious skies,

For amber waves of grain,

For purple mountain majesties

Above the fruited plain!

America! America!

God shed his grace on thee

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!

2 O beautiful for pilgrim feet

Whose stern impassioned stress

A thoroughfare for freedom beat

Across the wilderness!

America! America!

God mend thine ev'ry flaw,

Confirm the soul in self control,

Thy liberty in law!

3 O beautiful for heroes proved

In liberating strife.

Who more than self their country loved

And mercy more than life!

America! America!

May God thy gold refine

Till all success be nobleness

And every gain divine!

4 O beautiful for patriot dream

That sees beyond the years

Thine alabaster cities gleam,

Undimmed by human tears!

America! America!

God shed his grace on thee,

And crown thy good with brotherhood

From sea to shining sea!